The philosopher said:
“Whoever fights monsters should take care not to become a monster himself. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.”
My aversion to people is nothing new. Crowded places drain me. There is a kind of exhaustion in me, difficult to explain, whenever I have to spend too much time around other human beings.
And no, I do not consider myself better. Perhaps the problem is precisely that, sometimes, I forget that I am one of them too.
I do not understand their small confusions, their endless dilemmas, their lack of objectivity, the ease with which they make everything more difficult than it needs to be. I do not like getting involved in problems I consider trivial, in meaningless conflicts, in lives so occupied by appearances, comparison, and vanity.
But I envy them.
I envy those who are different from me.
They seem not to carry the same weight of doubt, of existence, of the constant awareness that something is happening while we make plans, argue over nonsense, work, sleep, and simply keep living.
Perhaps the thought has never even crossed their minds.
The greatest enemy of their lives consumes them silently, without haste and without mercy. It takes a little more each day, and against it there is no argument, strength, or intelligence powerful enough.
I belong to this game too.
The difference is that I want to defeat it.
Even knowing that I probably cannot.
Because in the end, there is one enemy that does not need to defeat us.
It only needs to wait.
Time.